That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
