Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
