Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize