i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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