I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
