haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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