It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
