She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
