I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
