From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize