u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
