he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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