Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
