in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Everclear isn't food dammit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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