Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
