you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
