i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize