You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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