He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
