i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
