my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
