Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
