you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i think my cat just said my name.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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