I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
