Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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