i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
