Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
