If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
