Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
