you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
