...so i touched it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
