Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
