with your own penis?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
