I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
