she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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