I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
