watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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