Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
