All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
