Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
