She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
