My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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