any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
