it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
