Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish you could order shots online.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
