a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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