Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
