Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
