while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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