I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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