I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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