either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
too bad you live with your parents still
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
