Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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