Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
