I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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