I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
