The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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