Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
