At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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