After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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