We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
