New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
