LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
