Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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