The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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