now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
