Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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