At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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