You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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